HI FIDELITY

Here's a question for the masses:

How exactly does the New York Yankees acquisition of Alex Rodriguez affect the Oakland Athletics?

The answer is simple, so we'll make it complex by hiding it a rambling set of run-on sentences fraught with fragmented logic and spelling errors.

First of all, Eric Chavez no longer is the 'best' 3rd baseman in the American League. No matter what category you might like to throw up, A-Rod will beat him. Even in defense, where Chavez is most likely better, there is yet to be a definitive statistic to tell us who is better. The eyes will tell you, but the eyes don't have a Baseball Writers Association Card. A few dozen writers who get their paychecks in the Five Burroughs area of New York do.

Alex Rodriguez has long been overrated at shortstop - just because you cheat up the middle on every hitter, it doesn't mean you have great range. And Derek Jeter has been upgraded from awful to underrated by the ECB Media bias (a bias that actually exists and is proveable), head-quartered inside Derek's trousers. So, no matter who shows up at 3rd for New York, Jeter or Rodriguez, they have a shot at the 3rd Base Gold Glove and All-Star nod.

In the process, Chavez gets knocked down a peg by not one, but two icons of baseball.

SIDENOTE: How reasonable was it to have Harold Reynolds cover the Yankee Press Conference announcing Alex Rodriguez's arrival? Reynolds has often longed to be the unsightly stain on Jeter's jock.

Graphic, yes...true? Too true.

If the Yankees move Rodriguez the 3rd base as speculated (and confirmed by Yankees brass) Derek Jeter leaves a huge hole at short, defensively and second base becomes a question mark as well. A well-deserved question mark as Jason Giambi, the immobile one becomes that much more isolated in the field.

SIDENOTE: How does it feel to be Mike Lamb? You are about to be designated for assignment by the Texas Rangers and then Aaron Boone jacks up his knee. So you get traded to the Yankees as their possible everyday 3rd baseman and then a week later the Yankees trade for one of your former teammates...to take your job. Mike Lamb hates Alex Rodriguez, and we can't say we blame him.

Can Miguel Cairo actually pick up the slack? Is that who the Yankees envision as their opening day 2nd baseman? The defense up the middle and on the right side looks very weak for the Yankees.

Back to the A's.

Eric Chavez is in contract negotiations with the A's. Of course Chavez is not present for the negotiations, but here's what we see happening:

Carolyn Jones (Billy Beane's Executive Assistant): "Billy, Dave Stewart is on your back line."

Billy Beane: "Hey, Stew, what's up? I don't have much time to talk - Baseball America just put out their assessment of our Top 10 Prospects and it isn't flattering."

Dave Stewart (Eric Chavez's agent and A's icon): "Not much Billy, just wanted to get a feeler on a set of numbers we have updated for Chavez."

Beane: "Make it quick."

Stewart: "We are now asking for 7 years around $12.5 per year and a total deal of $100 million after bonuses and reachable plate appearances."

Beane: "Dave, go sleep it off. You're obviously drunk."

Stewart: "Hey B, the market just changed now that the fat cat got the other fat cat and he's now at 3rd base."

Beane: "Exactly. Now that A-Rod is over at 3rd base, Chavez is no longer the best 3rd baseman in MLB. He's not even the best in the AL...His value has changed considerably."

Stewart: "Right. His value has escalated. A-Rod makes a ton of flow so Chavez needs to be in that category of cash to keep face. We can't go with the old 5 years at $7.5 million and $42 million
overall we were talking about. I haven't even mentioned all the perks that A-Rod gets."

Beane: "Dave, have you heard a dial tone recently?"

Stewart: "C'mon Billy, be realistic. We just want more years, at more money, with more perks and, well, basically more of more, plus some of that."

Beane: "(into intercom) Carolyn, please write 'Dave Stewart' on a chair you no longer need and have it ready for me in five...four...three... "

Stewart: "...Billy..."

Beane: "...Yah..."

Stewart: "I'm yanking your chain. We just want a mutual option for the 6th year and a buyout on the 7th if the option kicks."

Beane: "Okay, let's do the review in person next week in Phoenix and talk about a Press Conference or whatever to announce it here in Oakland after Spring Training. I hate those things, so don't expect much of it."

Stewart: "Billy, we've got a deal in principle, let's make sure nothing happens to infringe on it between now and then."

Beane: "I dunno Stew, if Cashman can get A-Rod, think I can get Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Beltran by the end of Spring Training?"

Stew: "B, you know I think the word of you."

Beane: "...Yah..."

Stewart: "You know I think you are the best GM in baseball."

Beane: "...Yah..."

Stewart: "No. You can't."

Beane: "Really."

Stewart: "Damn it, Billy. Don't go and do it just to show me up..."

Beane: "Sorry, Stew, Carolyn is telling me Kenny Williams has a sweet deal for me on the other line."

Carolyn: "No I didn't. Don't drag me into this one."